(Psst)

I went to a psychic in Boston last weekend while there. Some Russian lady who used to have hair my color but now has to dye it and really did not believe me when I said it grows this way. "But your roots are darker," she said, suspect.

"Yea, the sun lightens my hair. The roots haven't seen the sun yet," I said, wanting to add the word bitch. We were clearly starting out on the right foot.

Anyway, the reading was weird. She said I had to be careful about friends that smile to my face, but stab me in the back. They are not real friends. I agreed.

She told me I was born under three lucky stars: business, love and something else. Obviously I was paying swell attention. There were two little girls I had befriended while waiting for my friend to finish her reading and they took a liking to me and kept popping up during the reading, so I'm just going to go ahead and blame the readers' granddaughters and my awesome appeal to children for forgetting.

She told me I smile on the outside, but I am not happy on the inside. That I am negative. Clouded and frustration; confused. Basically she picked up on all the elements I had felt over the past month with the Turk. And I considered that an open and shut case of circumstance, because I do try to find my happiness and mend my frustrations. So I mentioned him, to which she had nothing to say. She didn't "see him".

She did go on to said I have a soul mate, but she doesn't know who or when or where he is. (Or if it's the Turk.) Very useful. She said there was something from my teenage years that still follows me and haunts me. She said that I push men away; I don't make it easy on them to know me and this is from what haunts me. (I think she was trying to sell me a cleansing.) But she did pick up on my incredible ability to test (perchance even to self-sabotage) potential relationships. And that I need to knock it off. Although a few breaths later she said that my soul mate will accept all of the parts of me. So that was weird and slightly useless advice.

But, I'll just try to keep being my best me. We are all a sum of our histories, there is no denying that. But it is a thought I need to keep with me, I think is what I gained from her reading: Not to be confused or frustrated, not to fight my feelings or push people away; not to 'test'. And then I came back Tuesday morning and saw this last card from this weeks post secret. And it really resonated.

I shall try my best. Not to be afraid.