Answer: Zero

Question: Number of fucks given?

As I walked through the metal detectors, onto the property adjacent to the White House, a group of friends giggled as they heard my response to my friend. “Oh! In our meeting this morning the CEO decided we should start to make dildos because it fits so well with our company name.” This, of course, in response to my friend exclaiming “OH GOOD, THEY DIDN'T TAKE YOUR DILDO” after my purse, sans dildo, was returned, post-search, while entering the premises to watch the Obama's light the National Christmas Tree surrounded by caroling and children. I clearly remained unembarrassed and instead chose to continue the dildo discussion, in public earshot.

It was at this point that I realized – more than ever – that I have the filter of an 80 year old woman. And anything that comes out of my mouth in public is for the amusement of the general populace – or just that small ground standing outside of the metal detector tents. But mostly, just to amuse myself. I have a filter, I confessed to a guy who has appeared to have taken an interest in me, I just chose not to use it. I amuse myself first and foremost. "Best way to be. Couldn't agree more," he replied.

I used to say “I can’t wait to be old, so I can just say whatever I want”. Apparently, my mom was right; I’m impatient. Or perhaps, just wise beyond my years. Wise beyond my years, yes; that sounds so much better than “not giving a fuck”.