The Middle

I have been technically single since March. I have been seriously single since the end of June. And have been living on my own since August 1, 2009. After 6 months of sleeping alone in a queen size bed I used to share with a 6'4", 230 pound man, last night was the first night I took to sleeping in the middle of the bed.

I mainly did it because two of my four pillows are dying and shared duty fixed it, but it was a strange revelation none-the-less. Evidently, I'm still adapting to my single life. And it's not always easy. The middle of the bed is lonely. And cold. (Granted I have my entire bed up along the wall that shares the other side with winter; and the first snow of the season was Saturday.) I may get good use out of my electric blanket this year; however, I already added another blanket between my sheet and comforter - it felt very Carrie Bradshaw on the episode where she talks about the first day of fall and adding that extra comforter for warmth and new seasons and beginnings and blah blah blah. But it was, it was the first time it was cold enough to need the extra layer and the first time in 5 years that I needed it because there was no warmth of a man beside me.

While my bed took me six months to wriggle towards the middle and away from the door side, my food making skills took a shorter amount in some ways and I'm still working on it in others. Grocery shopping for just me was an adjustment; I went twice before I realized: Oh wait, it's just me - I don't eat nearly as much as "us". I also went into financial panic mode in that time and learned to survive on $50 a month for food. This has lead to scrambled egg dinners, testing if 5 day old tuna helper is still safely edible (it is), pop-tarts for dinner and dessert and freezing a lot of things. I made chili - which is typical for me when football starts. It's cheap and delicious. I made a vat - it was probably about 3 gallons - I froze more than half, which is still in there. The other night I was hungry and got home late from work, a simple meal of noodles and sauce turned into about a half gallon of spaghetti sauce - half of which I froze, and the other half which turned into lunch and dinner for about four days. (Then I went home for thanksgiving and my mom tried to feed me spaghetti...that was quickly vetoed with explanation.) In short, things with effort are still made with the capacity to feed a family of 4...or an army of 100. Perhaps I should work on that.

Although, I still think one day I'll have kids, so finding a balance between being able to actually cook for one (which I still have trouble with) and eating single people meals (which also just happen to typically be super cheap) might be a good thing. So maybe I'm more on top of this than I think...I'll need to consult my 13 boxes of cereal and get back to you.

No, really, I have 13 boxes of cereal right now...