Dear Value City Asshat...

Last week I saw an ad for a $39 dresser - or chest of drawers rather - at Value City Furniture. So I go there and see it; it's small, but will work for the crap that won't fit in my main dresser since I threw out the dresser I picked up by a dumpster before moving to DC. (Not the first time I hauled away trash as a treasure...and probably not the last.) I evaluated it for a moment and asked if it came in pieces (like Ikea); the guy said "No, just the knobs". I take an extra 10 seconds to examine it before I decide it can fit in my Mazda3 (4-door), and buy one.

I go to pick it up today and a foreign man dollies out my dresser in it's little cardboard packing (not even a box, just a piece of cardboard on top, bottom and wrapping around the front). He looks at me, looks at my car and says "This is not going to fit" in that tone and expression of you stupid little woman.

I HATE THAT FACE. Fucking sexism. Fucking cultural differences.

So I simply say, "Can we take off the packaging?"

"Yes. But it won't fit."

"Do you have box cutters?"

"Yes. But this is not going to fit in your car."

OH. MY. GOD. I stay calm: "Yes it will. Just take it out of the box."

The stupid little woman face overtakes his entire body as he drops his head and shoulders while he starts to take off the packaging. I get in the car to pull up the passenger seat so it fits behind easily. He picks it up and starts to push it in with no problem, and as I start to pull from the bottom as I'm in the car, he starts the sentence "Pull it from the--" and halts when he notices I have a brain big enough to have started helping already and just finishes the sentence with: "Yea". 30 seconds into this wholly intense (*sarcasm alert!*) struggle since OMG THIS WAS NEVER GOING TO FIT CAUSE MY BRAIN IS TOO SMALL TO CALCULATE DIMENSIONS OF MY CAR! the dresser was in my back seat (not even the trunk) without incident. And then I hear him say lightly "You got lucky." Sigh. So:

Dear Value City Furniture Doubter,

That's not called "luck", it's called "intelligence". Twat.

Signed,
A Female Who is Generally Always Right

P.S. Suck it. And welcome to America.

P.P.S. Also, please note that I carried the dresser out of my car and into my apartment by myself. Whoa! Beauty, brains and the strength to kick your ass carry a dresser.